Victories and Gym Recap 1/31/11

I really need to get back on the bandwagon with this. It makes me feel good and it really helps keep me on track.

• Last night I dreamed it was Friday, and it was so convincing that when I woke up I almost skipped breakfast because it was doughnut day (my office provides free doughnuts and bagels every Friday). When I realized it was Monday, I was so disheartened, and considered just going to McDonald's. But I stayed home and made my own breakfast instead.
  
• Thought about McDonald's again on the way to work and very nearly stopped, but managed not to.
  
• Felt starving around 9:30am (I have "bottomless pit" days every now and again, where I feel hungry pretty much all day long). Once again considered McDonald's (dude, I really love their sausage burritos), but once again managed to resist. It helped that my coworker gave me one of her diet shakes, which means I consumed only 230 calories instead of two or three times that.
  
• Felt hungry all freaking day. Ate oatmeal before going to the gym, then ate a normal-sized dinner. Still hungry, but it's almost bedtime so I'm resisting.
  
• SO many things to get done tonight, but I refused to use that as an excuse to skip the gym. Yay!

But, because I am so swamped, I went "easy" on the gym today: 30 minutes on the recumbent stationary bike, 10.8 miles, level 7. I don't remember the "calories burned" count, but it was something like 182.

Weekly Weigh-in (a little late)

Weight change this week: -2
Weight change so far in 2011: -7

I really didn't expect to lose any weight this week, but I guess being sick burns calories too, since your body has to work to fight off the infection. Whatever; I'll take what I can get. :)

This week's challenge involved more micromanaging than I am comfortable with.

• First, plan your menu for the week, breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. On paper.
  
• THEN go food shopping.
  
• THEN, write your workouts into your schedule or onto your calendar or into your Outlook, share these “appointments” with your family or whomever you need to know what your plans are.
  
• FINALLY, make sure that this planned-out week is written into the same calendar as all of your other goal milestone dates and the big goal! And if those aren’t in there, go put them in there! You CEO, YOU! I got a new planner just for the occasion from a store that rhymes with Schmall Schmart and it is pink and it is lovely. Best of all, it was $7. It is my partner in crime and my right hand man and it WILL get me to all my goals this year. That little pink planner.

See, now, I've tried this before. Many times. This sort of "treat it like a work appointment" trick is used for everything from painting to blogging, and it simply does not work for me. As soon as I start seeing something as a chore or obligation, I start actively avoiding it. This is true even for things I enjoy doing. For example: I view sitting down with a good book to be a real treat, but if I schedule the time from 7:30 to 8:00 tonight specifically for reading, I won't do it. I'm not entirely sure why this is, though I suspect it has to do with feeling like once it's scheduled, it's no longer a choice. And I like having choices.

Don't get me wrong: I love planners as much as (and probably more than) the next person, but scheduling every moment of every day backfires every time. I need freedom and spontaneity. Yes, I technically plan to hit the gym after work each day (though not this week while I continue to recover from illness), but I don't hold myself to a set routine, or make sure I stay there for a certain amount of time. That's just not my style. Instead, I make sure I hit all the major muscle groups and include some cardio. Telling myself I must show up for thirty minutes a day and do this-this-and-this guarantees I won't. Some days I want to use the weight machines; other days I prefer free weights. Sometimes I just want to read on the stationary bike, but then occasionally I want to use the stairclimber.

This, of course, is all completely aside from the fact that I am not the only person eating in my house. My husband does the grocery shopping and cooks dinner every night. But anyway, I know this sounds like I am wimping out on this challenge, but I know myself too well for this. I hope I can participate next week, though.

Back from the Dead

Okay, so I've been slacking a bit on this whole blogging (and weight-losing) thing. You'll notice I haven't posted any victories lately. That's because there haven't really been any to speak of. I've been tired and eating like crap because of it, and then this past weekend I caught The Crud that's been going around, and was more or less bedridden for three days straight.

I'm still a little sniffly, but I seem to be on the mend, so it's time to get back into the swing of things. Unfortunately, this does not include the gym this week, since I've been sleeping so poorly and do not want to risk running myself down again so soon, but there are other things I can do. Like pay attention to what I'm eating.

In related news, my sister gave me a gift subscription to Self Magazine. I told her I'd actually read it and not just draw the models. ;) Seriously, though, I'm hoping it's good motivation. If nothing else, I can use the workout tips for some variety at the gym.

Tonight is the weekly weigh-in, and I'll be shocked if I haven't gained more weight back. See, this is what happens: I'm all excited for a week or two, then I go back to my old habits. It's discouraging. How do I regain my momentum?

Wednesday Weakness

Weight change this week: +1
Weight change so far in 2011: -5

I fully expected to gain weight this week, and in fact I'm a little surprised I didn't gain more. I ate junk all weekend and didn't hold back at all. I skipped the gym on Friday because I had too much to get done (and indeed didn't get home until after midnight), Saturday and Sunday because I had people over all day to work on convention stuff (though I certainly got a workout lugging boxes of books all over the place), Monday because I was just insanely tired, and yesterday because we had an ice storm.

I went today, however, and tried out the BODYPUMP class. I'm not really one for group classes, but since they're included with my membership fee I figured I should at least try them out. The instructor was really nice, taking a few minutes before class to show me what kind of gear I needed and what sorts of moves we'd be doing.

And you know, it was really hard. But it was a good kind of hard, and the hour went by quickly. The instructor remembered my name and encouraged me to come back next week. I just might.

Victories 1/13/11

• My coworker brought in homemade cupcakes and offered them to the group. Later he offered them to me specifically. I declined both times.
  
• The 2-liter was Coke was still in the office kitchen, tempting me, at the same level as when I first saw it. I dumped it out and took the cap for the Coke Rewards code.
  
• I was on my own for dinner, and I could have easily gone out and gotten fast food. But no, I had leftovers from last night.

Power of One, week 2: more goals

This week's project is once again all about goals:

We’ve asked you during the beginning of the challenge to sort of outline your goals for the challenge, but here, we want you to really sit down and outline your goals in life, for the short-term and long-term and make a sort of blue print for how you want this year to go and beyond.

I'm bad with goals. I mean, there are plenty of things I'd like to do (or, more often, to have done), but picking ones to pursue is always the stickler. I want to fill up this one particular sketchbook, for example, but I also want to finish reading this book and publish that comic book and try out this new hobby and run that race. Picking a day and declaring it to be, say, Sketchbook Day has no effect on my actions. After spending the day at work doing the things I'm supposed to do, when I get home I just want to follow my whims, not assign more tasks on myself. When I give myself hard deadlines, I inevitably fail and use that as another excuse to feel sorry for myself. In fact, 2011 was the first year in several that I did not make a general list of resolutions, mostly because I looked at my 2010 list in late November and found I didn't care if I met them or not. So why make goals if I'm only going to end up either apathetic or depressed?

I know I'm being all wishy-washy about this (my husband calls me Wembley), but I've spent years honing my ability to not get my hopes up about anything, including myself. It's a useful skill for avoiding disappointment. I try to live in the moment. But I guess I'll give this whole goal thing a shot.

1. Get my to-be-read pile down to a manageable number. Like, under 50. Ideally, I'd like to get it down to under ten so I feel a bit more free about adding to it, but - baby steps. All I can do for this is to read, read, read - and learn to say no more often when people offer me books.
   
2. Finish and publish the S&R Comic. It's dumb that this isn't done, since it's all written and storyboarded. I just need to sit down and finish drawing it. The biggest part of this is thinking about it more often, so when I find myself with the time and inclination to draw, the comic is at the forefront of my mind. Often I just kinda forget it exists, y'know?
   
3. Get my weight down to something a little more reasonable, such that my doctor doesn't shake her head when I go in for my annual physical. Right now I'm doing fairly well with keeping track of my food victories (far more effective than having to report everything I eat) and going to the gym. I think blogging about it is really helping. I thought a personal journal would be good, but (1) I type faster than I write, and (2) I can do this from anywhere, not just at home. Also, since it's public, it keeps me a little more honest. Sure, I don't know of anyone who's actually reading it, but there may come a day.
   
4. Finish snarfing the rest of my home county. I have almost a hundred markers to go (out of almost 450), most of which are closer to DC where it really sucks to drive. I just need to make some more snarf maps and actually use them rather than wandering out in the opposite direction (where it's quieter and has better scenery).

Anyway, I guess that's all for now. I don't have a calendar with a schedule all mapped out: like I said before, I don't do so well with that kind of structure. If it starts feeling too much like work, I start resisting. And the point of this is to accomplish things I want to accomplish, right? So we'll start with this. It's certainly far more detailed than I've ever done before. Will it all end in cheers or tears? Only time will tell.

Speaking of disappointment, I'm also trying not to take it too personally that @shrinkingjeans stopped following me on Twitter. I'd been enjoying the support in the form of @replies. Oh well; I guess I was too chatty.

All-in-One 1/12/11

Got lots to report, so I figured I might as well put it all in one mega-post.

First: the weekly weigh-in. I've been dreading this.

Weight change this week: -1
Weight change so far in 2011: -6

Second: victories!

• There were two mostly-finished 2-liters of soda in the office kitchen up for grabs: one Diet Coke, one regular Coke. I really like regular Coke (and finishing it off would have meant I could keep the Coke Rewards points), but I only took the Diet Coke.
  
• I wanted a midmorning snack, preferably something in the pastry food group. I had coffee.
  
• I wanted a snack pretty much immediately after lunch, but instead waited until right before I left for the gym, when I had a packet of oatmeal to sustain me through my workout.

Third: gym recap.

Format: exercise - reps x sets - weight - notes (if applicable)

• pull-ups - 5x3 - 112lb counterweight - arms out - Oddly easy again. I dunno.
  
• dips - 12x3 - 112lb counterweight
  
• abdominal crunch machine - 50x2 - 35 lbs
  
• lower back machine - 50x2 - 35 lbs - this is basically a reverse crunch
  
• hip adduction - 15x3 - 90 lbs
  
• hip abduction - 15x3 - 90 lbs
  
• lat pull-downs - 12x3 - 62.5 lbs
  
• lawnmower pulls with free weights - 12x3/arm - 15lbs/arm - no idea what this is really called.
  
• calf machine - 12x3 - 100 lbs
  
• squat machine - 12x3 - 90lbs

The real challenge will be this weekend. My husband won't be around to cook nutritious meals for me, and I'm kind of helpless on my own. Will I be able to resist the siren song of fast food? Only time will tell.

Victories 1/11/11

• Really wanted McDonald's breakfast this morning. Ate breakfast at home.
  
• There was nummy home-made chocolate chip banana cake in the kitchen this morning. I held out until 10am, by which point I was genuinely hungry, and then cut the thinnest sliver I could manage. (And, I admit, partially justified it by noting that I skipped my usual banana with breakfast this morning.) (Because we were out of bananas, not because I was being virtuous.)
  
• When I got home, I was ravenous, but instead of gorging on chips (like I kind of wanted to), I had a handful of peanuts and raisins.
  
• After dinner I felt hungry again within 20 minutes. But I didn't snack. This is a Pretty Big Deal for me because I honestly felt it in my stomach, not just in my head, but I don't need calories right before bedtime.

Man, this is working so much better for me than a food diary. I'd rather boast about my victories than feel like a criminal for every morsel. Positive reinforcement FTW! :D

Tomorrow's the weekly weigh-in. Deep breaths.

Victories and Gym Recap 1/10/11

We'll start with the victories, especially since the weekend was full of fail:

• My coworker scattered Hershey's Kisses all over the conference table, urging people to take them. I didn't.
  
• I did not participate in Moe's Mondays, though I was invited.
  
• Instead of getting a huge bag of trail mix (or worse) from the vending machine at the gym, I thought ahead (for once) and ate a single packet of instant oatmeal right before leaving work so I wasn't shaky with hunger during my workout.
  
• Worked out extra hard, then skipped the free sample on the way out. (My gym is affiliated with some sort of Nutrisystem-style diet-to-go program, and they often have free samples available.)

And then the gym recap:

Format: exercise - reps x sets - weight - notes (if applicable)

• pull-ups - 5x3 - 112lb counterweight - arms out, surprisingly easy
  
• dips - 12x3 - 112lb counterweight
  
• abdominal crunch machine - 50x2 - 35 lbs
  
• hip adduction - 15x3 - 90 lbs
  
• hip abduction - 15x3 - 90 lbs
  
• lat pull-downs - 12x3 - 62.5 lbs
  
• lawnmower pulls with free weights - 12x3/arm - 15lbs/arm - no idea what this is really called.
  
• bicep curls with free weights - 12x3/arm - 12.5lbs/arm - the first set was with 15lbs but omg that was too heavy
  
• tricep extensions with free weights - 12x3 - 15 lbs
  
• stationary bike - 30 min - level 7 hills - 10.8 miles

The bike was harder than I remembered, but I powered on through. I thought I had more to say about that, but, uh, I guess not.

Victories 1/6/11

• There was a bag of Fritos up for grabs in the office kitchen when I got here this morning. I love Fritos. I did not take it.
  
• There was candy there later in the day, and I didn't take any. This is a more minor victory, as the candy was in the form of taffy and candy canes, neither of which I'm incredibly fond of, but in the past I have often grabbed whatever was in the kitchen just to try it. And this time I didn't.
  
• I'm #8 on the Week One Leaderboard. Craziness, man! I guess this means I'm only 97.7% of the woman I used to be. And I'm okay with that. :)

The percentage ratio is an odd measure. I mean, I'd think it would skew in favor thinner people, since 5 pounds is a greater percentage of 130 pounds than 230 pounds, but maybe not since (a) thinner people tend to have less weight to lose, and (b) they lose it more slowly. Hypothetically, that is. I've never been in the "last ten pounds to lose" camp, so I don't know if rate of weight loss is at all affected by how much you weigh to begin with. But it sounds reasonable. :)

Power of One, week 1: letter from your future self

I'm not sure how accurate this graphic is, since the Monday Project turned into The Monthly Project, but now they say it's going back to weekly in 2011. But that's not important right now. This week/month's project is to write a letter to yourself, imagining you are writing from this time next year. Work from the assumption that you've reached all your goals, and write like it actually happened.

Here goes nothing.

Hello from 2012, me.

Well, you finally did it. You finally went down a clothing size for the first time in your life, and it looks like we're going to hang out here for a while, or maybe even shrink some more. I'm so glad you finally sucked it up and started trying out the classes at the gym. It feels so great to have found one I really enjoy, and it mixes up the old exercise routine. It keeps things interesting, and you've even made a couple of gym-friends. The best part is that you're running again - you already finished the Podrunner Intervals "First Day to 5k" program and are well into the "Gateway to 8k" program. And your knee is fine. Rock on, Hermes! Maybe by this time next year you'll have participated in your very first race!

You never did kick that soda habit, but I still maintain that a zero-calorie caffeinated drink is still better than eating junk when I'm sleepy. On the other hand, you did kick the McDonald's breakfast habit. Sure, I still like to grab the occasional sausage burrito, but it's not nearly as often, nor in as much quantity, as in 2010. I still can't believe you managed to get into the groove of weekly weigh-ins; it's such a good motivator. Blogging your food victories was another great idea you stuck with.

In non-fitness-related news, you'll be pleased to hear that you did finally finish and publish the S&R comic, and Bill performed that solo show he was working on. The song he wrote for you is lovely. Things picked up at work and you're finally gaining a little more confidence in yourself. And the convention went perfectly, so don't fret about that.

You'll enjoy 2011, I promise. I sure did.

much love,
your future self

Weekly Weigh-in and Gym Recap 1/5/11

I lost 5 pounds over the last week. I dunno how meaningful that is, but I have been far more mindful of what I've been eating.

And now for the gym recap.

Format: exercise - reps x sets - weight - notes (if applicable)

* abdominal crunch machine - 50x2 - 35lbs
* hip abduction - 12x3 - 90lbs
* hip adduction - 12x3 - 90lbs
* chin-ups - 5x3 - 112lb counterweight - all elbows out
* dips - 12x3 - 112lb counterweight
* lat pull-downs - 12x3 - 62.5lbs

I've been very tired all week, and I suspect it's because my body is fighting off my husband's cold. He's been sick for two weeks and I've had nary a sniffle, but I need to be careful that I don't get run-down. That's why I took it easy again at the gym. I'm hoping to get back into the swing of things starting Monday.

Number Crunching

Logged into LiveStrong for the first time in months to see how many calories I'd consumed so far today. It's not looking good. Breakfast alone is 600 calories, though I'm not as concerned about front-loading since (a) I have more conscious hours to burn it off and (b) if I don't have a big breakfast I spend my morning hours miserably hungry. And considering I load up with protein first thing and then have some appetite-suppressing (and awake-making) caffeine, I'm usually more or less okay until lunch. (Usually, I say, because I honestly could eat nonstop between my alarm going off and lunchtime, and it is pure willpower that keeps me from doing so. And then there are some days when I am just a bottomless pit for no apparent reason.)

Today I was surprised to find myself famished at 10am, so I had a single packet of plain oatmeal sweetened with two packets of honey. That's nearly 200 calories alone. Which I guess isn't the most horrible of snacks, but I guess I just didn't expect it to be quite that much. And I refuse to use artificial sweeteners in my oatmeal. Not only would it taste grody, I ingest more than my fair share of chemicals with my soda addiction, thank you very much.

(I was pleased to discover that my coffee, which is actually just a vaguely coffee-flavored confection, is only 70 calories.)

My standard lunch is just under 400 calories, leaving me well over 700 calories (of 2000) for dinner, provided I don't snack this afternoon, which I usually don't (but might since I'm going to the gym after work). So I guess it's not all bad.

See, this is the reason I don't do food diaries. I don't like obsessing over every little thing I put in my mouth. I know that's part of the reason I'm fat, but counting calories doesn't make me feel powerful or in control or anything like that. It makes me feel annoyed. Eventually I get so frustrated with the tedium that I ignore the diary completely and eat whatever I want - or even more than I want. And that's no good.

I know I've been posting to this blog a lot over the last couple days, but that's what it's for: this is a place for me to obsess over diet and exercise without clogging up my regular blog. Nobody has to read it.

Victories 1/4/11

• I put less on my plate than usual and did not go back for seconds, though I was sorely tempted.
  
• In the office kitchen were blueberry Bundt cake, baklava, morning glory cake, and half-sized chocolate chip cookies. They all smelled absolutely delicious. I had a single cookie.
  
• More cookies were put out a few hours later. They were home-made and large and very tasty-looking. I did not eat any.

Victories 1/3/11

I've decided not to post my failures unless they're truly epic. (Or funny.) But I'll try to post my small food victories from time to time.

* I did not eat any of the (super delicious) chocolate chip banana cake in the office kitchen this morning.
* We got two summer sausages for Christmas and I took them to work, and then only ate one small slice of each. And nothing more.

Gym Recap 1/3/11

Format: exercise - reps x sets - weight - notes (if applicable)

* abdominal crunch machine - 50x2 - 40lbs - this was pretty rough
* hip abduction - 12x3 - 90lbs
* hip adduction - 12x3 - 90lbs
* chin-ups - 5x3 - 112lb counterweight - 2 sets elbows out, 1 set elbows in
* dips - 12x3 - 112lb counterweight
* lat pull-downs - 12x3 - 62.5lbs
* squats - 12x3 - 90lbs
* incline press - 12x3 - 35lbs - very difficult, probably because my arms were tired

I went easy on my legs since they're still smarting from the hike on the 31st.

Last Hike of 2010

A friend and I spent New Year's Eve hiking along the Appalachian Trail. We started at Crampton Gap in Gathland State Park near Burkittsville, Maryland, and hiked to Harpers Ferry - a distance of about 10.2 miles. Map My Run tells me that over the course of the 6ish hours we hiked, we burned some 3120 calories. Not bad, not bad at all.


We actually hiked this backwards, from Crampton Gap to Harpers Ferry, but it's the same route.

Of course, we were a little stupid: we forgot to pack food. We grabbed breakfast on the way and had plenty of water, but by the time we arrived in Harpers Ferry we were ravenous. We also probably should have parked at Weverton rather than continuing along the long, flat, kind of boring stretch of road along the C&O Canal into Harpers Ferry. My legs were more than a little annoyed with me by the end of it.

But I'm glad we went. I got to see a trail shelter for the first time, I felt really accomplished at hiking so far, and the view from the top was just lovely.

The Futility of Exercise

Originally posted on The Hood on December 30, 2010 at 9:10am.

So I've joined this community, and subscribed to the blog.  The most recent post, Fitness: - Are You *Faking* It?, really struck a chord with me.  In particular, this sentence:

I joined a gym, hired a personal trainer and committed myself to exercising as much as possible.  I became a gym rat, practically going every day.

That was me in 2010.  I joined a gym last December, got a personal trainer, and was going to the gym 4-5 days a week most of the year.  Gym time is me-time, and I treasure it.  I breathe hard, sweat mightily, then treat myself to long showers afterward.

But.  This next sentence:

Over the next few months, the weight fell off, my body changed in positive ways, and I definitely liked what I saw in the mirror.

Doesn't apply to me in the slightest.  I gained about twenty pounds over the course of the year, and my clothes became tighter too.  My personal trainer was baffled, but I wasn't.  Exercise alone has never caused me to lose weight.  The extra energy spent leads me to consume more calories, whether I realize it or not.  I think I'm eating the same amount as before, but clearly I am not.  It's discouraging, but I've come to terms with it.  The simple truth is that if I want to lose weight, I have to focus more on my diet than my activity level.  I'm actually fairly fit, as these things go: I have pretty good endurance and I'm stronger than most women I know.  But I'm still fat.

One good thing about recognizing this in myself is that it changes my attitude toward exercise.  Instead of using the scale to measure my progress at the gym, I look at the amount of weight I'm lifting or the level I set on the stair-climber.  I like feeling strong, even if I don't feel thin.  The next step is to work out my issues with foods, but that's another post for another time.

And so it begins...

Originally posted on The Hood on December 29, 2010 at 5:30pm.

I've been overweight my entire life.  Never truly obese, but always well above the recommended weight for my height.  I've been going to a gym regularly for over a year now, and while I've seen some improvement on the strength-training side of things, I've actually gained weight.   And not just muscle weight, either - my waistline has unquestionably increased.

I know what my problem is: emotional eating.  I eat when I'm upset or bored or frustrated or sad.  I eat even more when I'm feeling down about my weight.  I'm on medication for depression and anxiety, which helps, but I need more discipline - especially at the office.

I've never taken part in a group weight-loss challenge before, but I've just signed up for the Power of One challenge. I hope it helps me with inspiration and motivation. Heaven knows I'm not doing any good at doing it on my own.

Today's challenge is to state my healthy living goals.  Here are some off the top of my head:

1. Be able to do 3 sets of 10 pull-ups on the machine with the full counterweight (114 lbs).
   
   • Right now I can do 3 sets of 5 with the full counterweight.
     
   • Bonus goal: be able to do it with less counterweight.
   
   
2. Get my weight under 200 lbs.
   
   • Bonus goal: get my weight below 180.
   
   
3. Fit into my suit.
   
   • Bonus goal: go down a pant size.
   
   
4. Complete First Day to 5k on Podrunner Intervals.
   
   • I did this once before, back in fall of 2007, on the concrete sidewalks of my neighborhood.  When I tried it again at the beginning of December 2010 on the indoor track at the gym, my knee completely failed me.  Oh, the pain.  I think it's because I'm too fat for my joints.
     
   • Bonus goal: complete Gateway to 8k.

So.  Here goes nothing.  I had my husband take my "before" photo and my measurements, but I'm afraid I don't feel comfortable sharing them here.  I have, however, started a new journal just for diet and fitness.  The front is covered with "totally awesome!!!" in assorted fonts, which seems appropriate.  I love to journal, so maybe this will help with my motivation.

Another blog? Really?

Yes, another blog. I've come to the realization that maybe I need more accountability, and I wanted somewhere to post about my weight issues that wasn't my LiveJournal account and wasn't my main blog. I don't know what all will end up here yet. I do know that I like lists, so here are a few:

Weight-loss techniques that have not worked:

• Keeping a food diary. (Tried this multiple times, but it was just so tedious I couldn't keep up with it.)
  
• Exercise. (More on this later.)
  
• The South Beach Diet. (Actually, I lost 15 pounds for a few months, but I was so miserable that binges were inevitable.)

Sad truths:

• I have never gone down a clothing size in my entire life. I have either held steady or increased. (Though mostly held steady, luckily.)
  
• It's difficult to figure out my ideal weight, but after looking at several I can estimate that I am roughly 80 pounds overweight.
  
• I am weak in the face of yummy foods. Doughnuts are a particular favorite.

One thing about this blog is that I don't plan on either censoring myself or monitoring my post frequency. Sometimes I'll post three or four updates within a few hours; other days I'll post nothing. That's just how it goes.

I don't really plan on publicizing this too much, but if you happen to be reading, please let me know.