Let's go ride bikes!

Today my friend introduced me to Capital Bike Share and we went for a ride. The last time I was on a bicycle was probably about a decade ago. It was so much fun. I'd forgotten! We spent most of our time on the Mount Vernon Trail but we also wandered around a bit in DC, passing by the Lincoln Memorial and the Kennedy Center, among other things. I had such a wonderful time. MapMyRide tells me we traveled 7.24 miles and burned 542 calories over the course of our two hour journey. Not bad for my first time in so many years. And I honestly had fun, not feeling tired (or even all that cold) until toward the end. I guess I'm in better shape than I thought I was. Or maybe it was just an easy ride. :)

Victories

I made it! Five straight days of getting up at 5am and going to the gym before work! Granted, today I had to talk myself into it and even then only struggled through twenty minutes on the ArcTrainer (260 calories), but hey, I did it!

This evening I bought some more workout clothes. Man, watching myself struggle into a sports bra was one of the more depressing sights of my life. So fat! But I needed more clothes to keep up with my increased schedule. I don't like to re-wear something without washing it, though occasionally with shorts that's what I'd had to do. But (hopefully) not more, provided my husband can keep up with the laundry.

I'm supposed to go cycling with a friend of mine tomorrow, but I haven't heard from her in a few days and so I'm not 100% positive that's still happening. Otherwise, the next four days will be a sort of vacation from the gym: Sunday will be resting, then Monday and Tuesday I'm traveling to upstate New York for work. It's just a single overnight, so I won't have time to do much other than work, sleep, and fly. But I'll try to at least keep my eating under control while I'm away. I've been horrible about that lately. (And by lately I mean my entire adult life.)

Oh hey, I never wrote about yesterday's training session. It was one of the more diabolical set of exercises, including one-armed plank positions while pumping a weight with my free hand. That took some serious figuring before I could pull off the position without falling over. I'm not sure if coordination or strength is the bigger problem, but man do I have trouble balancing with a lot of these moves.

Despite the discouraging shopping trip (shopping for clothes has always been one of my least favorite activities, just below going to the dentist), I'm feeling pretty good about myself right now. Let's see if I can keep that up.

Gym Recap

Day three of getting up at 5am and I seem to be doing more or less okay. I had my training this morning and hot damn was it hard. Like, far harder than I'd expected. I'm not sure if that's because it was so early and my muscles aren't used to actually doing anything that soon after getting up, or if things were genuinely more difficult. Either way, it was tough but I made it.

My coworker is trying to convince me that it's really worth it in the end. I don't believe him, but I did concede that I can lunge and squat far better than I could two months ago. So there's that.

Since we had to reschedule yesterday's session to today, I'm seeing Jeev again tomorrow morning. He said we'll be working more on strength training on my legs, which is nice - today was mostly upper body and cardio.

Gym Recap

So I figured it would be better to alter my sleep schedule entirely rather than resetting my alarm every day, so I am now getting up at 5am and hitting the gym before work. Today is day two and I feel better today than I did yesterday. Jeev had a final exam today so he missed our session, so I went into the cardio cinema and watched Roxeanne for a while. I'd forgotten what a funny film that is. I'll have to rent it sometime. I don't know how many calories I burned - I did four minutes on the ArcTrainer, about ten minutes on the treadmill at 2.5mph (both while waiting for Jeev before I learned he wouldn't be showing up) and thirty minutes on this weird elliptical-ish thing that I suppose was something akin to a NordicTrak. I didn't set anything (it was too dark in there to see what any of the buttons did anyway) but it wasn't very hard. Better than nothing, though, right? Jeev rescheduled for tomorrow morning, and that will be the real test: can I handle a full day of work after a full training session? We'll see!

Gym Recap

Lordy lordy. Jeev got a second job so we're moving my sessions from Monday and Wednesday at 4pm to Tuesday and Thursday at 6am. Today I went for a dry run to make sure I could even handle getting up another 45 minutes earlier. I did my usual cardio: 20 minutes on the ArcTrainer followed by 30 minutes on the inclined treadmill. Dunno how many calories I burned because I accidentally cleared out my stats on the treadmill before looking at them. That's easy to do - if you press the "stop" button twice they're gone for good, and since the touch pad's responsivity is pretty inconsistent, it's easy to think you hadn't pressed it when you actually did.

But anyway, I made it. I'm super tired and my tummy was kind of unhappy because I forgot to eat something before I started working out, but I still did my workout without any trouble. I'm hoping with this new schedule it'll be easier for me to hit the gym more days a week. My goal is five - every workday - but we'll see. All I know is that lately, when I get off work, the last thing I want to do is make another stop before going home. This way I'll have gotten the gym out of the way before I even show up at the office.

Gym Recap

I hit the gym this morning before work. This was my first time going to this gym before work, and it was fine. I did my regular cardio: 20 minutes on the ArcTrainer (267 calories) followed by 30 minutes on the inclined treadmill (338 calories). The latter I did inside the Cardio Cinema, where they were showing The Goonies. It's been ages since I last saw that movie, to the point where there were several lines I didn't remember at all. Adding to the entertainment were the subtitles, which often amusingly edited the fast-talking, grammatically-incorrect kids. Now I need to pull out the DVD and rewatch it while I'm not drenched in sweat.

The workout overall was good. I went mostly because my butt was super sore from Wednesday's session, and I figured some extra walking would help work out some of the pain. I don't know that it did, necessarily, but I'm going to tell myself it did and that I'd be a lot more uncomfortable if I hadn't gone.

Gym Recap

Leaps and landings! Leaps and landings! Oh! My! God!

So yeah, I'm really super sore now, and Jeev suggested I wear my brace again on Monday since we're going to be doing more leaps and landings. Guh.

Notable exercise of the day: sitting on a chair and attempting to stand up one-legged. Insanely, maddeningly difficult for me. Of course, after the first set, Jeev put down one of those foam pads that he has me do balance work on, just because it evidently wasn't hard enough. Good lord that was tough!

Gym Recap

In addition to the regular regimen of squats and lunges, Jeev had me run three laps around the parking lot. And I didn't die! In fact, it wasn't too bad at all. I also used a rowing machine for the first time in my life. Nice.

I purchased 36 more sessions with Jeev; I've made a lot of progress, and I think with his help I'll be able to go far beyond where I was before the accident.

In related news, my favorite hiking buddy will be back over the holidays and we're thinking of hitting the trails while she's in town. I'm looking forward to it!

Occasional Gym Recap

Today I asked Jeev, under the assumption that I get back to going to the gym four days a week (a rather serious assumption, to be sure), how long it would take me to be able to run a 5k. He said three to four months, which sounds ridiculously optimistic to me, but it also means I have a goal to work toward.

And man, did I work today. High-knee jogging in place, jogging on the treadmill at various speeds (but only for, like, 45 seconds at a time), kettle ball swings, jump-squats, bouncy plank positions, and more. I definitely feel worked out (or perhaps just over) tonight.

My food habits are gradually increasing, but it's been tough due to an often crippling bout of depression. I think I'm coming out of it, but it's so hard to tell. But I do know that I'm tired of reminding myself of that line from a Jewel song: "...looked like a potato stuffed into jeans." Boo!

Gym Recap 14 Nov 2011

I've actually been hitting the gym fairly regularly lately, though alas, it's only been twice a week with any kind of consistency. I keep trying to push it to three or even four but then something comes up and I have to work late or whatever and it doesn't happen. But my ankle is indeed improving. Jeev was out sick last week but back again today and evidently with renewed motivation to kill me.

But I'm okay with that.

I'm not going to go through the exercises we did, because heaven knows I can't remember them all. But I would like to note that when he had me jogging up and down the stairs, it was totally easy. I mean, I was tired and out of breath because I'm fat, but a few months ago I couldn't even climb the stairs on the balls of my feet (I had to lay my foot fully flat on the step before hauling myself up to the next), much less do it with any kind of speed. So I am improving, even if it's only noticeable in little flashes like this.

Walking on grass still sucks, though. I went to the park yesterday briefly and found that uneven ground is still my enemy. I miss hiking, but if I can't handle crossing a grassy field, there's no way I could hope to scale a mountain. (Even a little one.)

I realized the other day that 2011 has more or less been a wash for me. I need a do-over. The first four months I was spending the vast majority of my time planning the BookCrossing Convention. The weekend following the con was when I busted my ankle. So basically I had something like six days of being able to walk without having to work on the convention. Sheesh.

But I continue to work at it. Eating is a daily struggle, but tonight I am pleased to report that I did not have any dessert. I also did not visit the vending machine at work, though I thought quite seriously about it. That's about the extent of my virtues, and my sins are many, so I think I'll end this here.

Gym Recap

I had my first session with Jeev, my new personal trainer, today. He's pretty awesome. This was just an introductory thing, not a real session, so we chatted a bit so he could learn about my goals and current fitness. Afterward he gave me an hour-long cardio "homework assignment" which I went ahead and did since we hadn't worked out and I don't know when I'll next be able to get to the gym. It nearly killed me, I think, but in a good way. I guess. This is what I did:

20 minutes on the Arc Trainer, changing the resistance every two minutes. The clock restarted halfway through, but I'd estimate I burned about 300 calories there.

Then I moved to this treadmill with crazy inclines. I went thirty minutes, from 3.5mph to 2.0mph and back again, from 3-degree to 27-degree inclines and back again. I burned 360 calories.

The last thing was the stair climber. The routine called for 10 minutes at 65 steps per minute, but I only made it 5 minutes - including two pauses to catch my breath. Part of that was because my ankle isn't really ready for such things, and part of it was that my lungs felt like they were going to explode. I'm really feeling those five months off, man! Anyway, I burned almost 70 calories in those 5 minutes, so it was still worth it.

750 calories in 60 minutes? Not bad, not bad at all. Next time I'll hopefully remember to bring my little notepad so I can write down distances and stuff like that so I don't forget.

Also: The Chemical Brothers are some of the best workout music ever.

Oh yeah, and I'm restarting my progress chart. And including my weight this time around because anyone who matters doesn't care, and anyone who might care doesn't matter. Revel in my fatness! :D

New Gym!

To celebrate five months since screwing up my ankle (and two days out of the last brace), I bought new sneakers and joined a new gym: Gold's Gym this time around. While I really did like Sport & Health, this place is just over half the monthly fee. Sure, it doesn't have the pool I never used or the free shampoo/conditioner/body wash/lotion I will honestly miss, but it's got a lot of high-quality equipment. There is also a distinct lack of small children in the locker room, which is most likely related to the lack of a pool. Fine by me!

Anyway, I signed up yesterday and tried it out today. Not really in the mood to mess with the weight machines, I went into the Cardio Cinema, which is a darkened room with loads of cardio machines in front of a huge screen playing a movie. So I went in and got on the elliptical and watched a random half hour of Thor. I'm totally out of shape after these five months of idleness and pain, and I worked for every one of those minutes. Anyway, here's the stats:

elliptical machine
35 minutes
2.98 miles
431 calories

Sometimes I almost wish there was a way to measure the amount I sweat. I guess the technical term is "lots".

Oh yeah, I was recording victories! Today's victory: I did not stop by Burger King on my way to work this morning. I'd been doing it far more than I'd like to admit lately, but I've decided to turn over a new leaf. At least for now. :)

2011: An Ankle Odyssey

As of today it's been just about exactly one month since my ankle surgery and four months since the original injury. Long story short: the orthopedist put me in a boot for a month to see if that fixed me without surgery, but it didn't, so I had surgery to fix the teeny tear in my tendon.

But that wasn't all that was fixed. I think I've mentioned weird ankle pain when running or walking before; I can remember walking home from elementary school and pain shooting up my right ankle and not getting better until I sat down for a while. I've never had this sort of pain in my left ankle, only my right - which, coincidentally, was also the ankle I sprained back in April.

The surgeon made some vague reference to some kind of muscle issue discovered (and fixed) during surgery, and he clarified it when I went back for my first post-op appointment ten days later. The peroneal brevis muscle in your calf is supposed to end at your upper ankle, about where the top of a bobby sock would be. Mine extended all the way down and wrapped around the bottom of the ankle bone. The little space that runs behind the ankle bone really doesn't have much room: just enough for the two tendons that go through there. With the muscle there too, it means that whenever I worked it (like running or walking), it would expand with blood and thus cause pain and inflammation and probably wasn't helping the torn tendon any either. So he cut the extra muscle away to fix the problem. If I hadn't busted up my ankle, this lifelong issue may never have been spotted.

In short, I was too beefy for my own good.

I'm still in a walking boot for a couple more weeks, and have thus far have not been assigned physical therapy. Once I can walk normally again I'll start looking into another gym. My "big news" (which would have entailed moving halfway across the country) ended up falling through, so I'm staying in this area for the foreseeable future.

Which is fine. I just miss going to the gym. The other day I picked up the novel I'd been reading on the exercise bike and finally finished it. It felt weird to read it while lying in bed, but I knew if I didn't pick it back up I'd have to start over from the beginning, and I didn't want to do that. Oh well; I'll start another book when I finally get back into regular gym visits.

Running to Stand Still

Not literally running, of course. I'd considered titling this post "one step forward, one step back," but thought making a U2 reference was more snazzy. Or something.

Anyway, a couple things: first, I cancelled Nutrisystem. I've lost a fair amount of weight, but truth be told I have so much food left over that I'll technically still be on Nutrisystem for at least another month. Which is fine. My husband is looking forward to cooking more, and we've both learned a lot about portion control. My real issue will be lunch - I really suck at making decent lunches - but I think we'll be able to find some kind of reasonable substitute. There are plenty of, for example, single-serving soups out there. I'll find something I like.

Second, I cancelled my gym membership. I had mixed feelings about this, but in the end it just made sense. My main reason is because of my ankle. I got the results from my MRI last week and learned that I have tears in my lateral collateral ligament in two places, as well as multiple partial tears in the deep tissue of the deltoid ligament. I unfortunately couldn't get an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon until June 20, and if he decides surgery is the best route then I will be on crutches for the rest of the summer at least. It's not worth going to the gym just to do arms; I can use my kettle bells for that.

I could have just suspended my membership for a few months, but there's also the possibility of my life making a drastic change this summer, which would necessitate quitting this gym anyway. If things turn out not to happen the way I'm sort of expecting them to, I can always sign up with another gym in the area. I liked this one because it's comfortable and close to work, but it's also more expensive than other options.

I'd like to also mention that both Nutrisystem and my gym (Sport & Health) let me cancel easily and immediately. I had absolutely no trouble whatsoever.

Catching up (again)

Yeeeeah. Been a while. First it was the BookCrossing Convention, then only a week later, on Easter Sunday, I sprained my ankle. Badly. "Grade 2 or possibly 3," the doc said; they think I tore a ligament. May 23rd is my Day of Reckoning: at that point I'm either 100% healed or we start looking into surgery. Ugh, I so hope it doesn't come to that. But anyway, since I can't go to the gym, I decided to use some of my time convalescing to take my measurements again.

The last time I took my measurements was December 29, 2010 - so that's what, not quite five months ago. I've lost two inches in my waist and hips, one inch in my bust and thigh. I've also lost a total of 26 pounds in that time. A bit of a plateau, actually, but I'm not complaining.

Now I just need to figure out what the hell size jeans I wear now. My old ones are falling down so badly I look like an ad for crack prevention. Ha!

Exercise Update

Under a lot of stress. Went for a walk around the neighborhood last night.

Distance: 3.29 miles
Time: 1hr 5min
Average speed: 3.04 mph
Calories burned: 246

I haven't been going to the gym (no time!) but this helped a bit, I think.

Weekly Weigh-in

Weight change this week: -4
Weight change so far in 2011: -24

I weighed myself this morning, before breakfast. I know I will have miraculously gained like five pounds between now and just before dinner, which is when I usually weigh myself, but I think I'm going to allow myself the fantasy for today.

Weigh-in and Confessions

I neither lost nor gained this past week, which is actually pretty impressive considering it was my birthday weekend and we went out to eat three times.

This morning, when stopping at Dunkin' Donuts for some coffee, I purchased an apple fritter. I don't know why I did it. I wasn't hungry, and it's not like I'd been craving apple fritters. But I bought it, and I ate it, and I'm terrified I'm falling back into my old habits. Sigh.

Gym Recap

I wanted to run, but my iPod seized up and I couldn't remember the key sequence to unfreeze it (for future reference: toggle the hold switch, then hold the center button and menu button at the same time until the screen turns off). Then I was going to do a half hour on the recumbent stationary bike, but there weren't any foot straps to be found. Without the straps, my feet flap around all over the place. It's just a mess. So I ended up on the regular stationary bike, which was kind of uncomfortable. I don't know what it is, but I always feel like I'm sliding off those things, no matter how much I lower the seat. Obnoxious.

Anyway, here's the summary:

Stationary bike (non-recumbent)
35 minutes
12.6 miles
206 calories

I haven't been to the gym in ages. I just haven't been able to drag myself there lately for some reason. Guh.

Impatience

My weekly weigh-in was last night. I'm down another two pounds, for a total of 20 since the beginning of the year (12 or so of which are since starting Nutrisystem). Yes, you read that right: I have lost twenty pounds over the last 11 weeks. I don't feel like I look all that much different, which is frustrating, but my husband assures me that my tummy is shrinking. Quantitatively, I'm solidly back into the clothing size I've worn for many years (rather than hovering between that and the next size up), and I'm wearing my belt one notch tighter with no trouble. So there's that.

I know I should be more pleased with my progress. I guess I'm just impatient. I've always worn my weight well, meaning that I'm actually far heavier than I look. This is a wonderful trait when gaining weight, but a little frustrating when losing, because it takes just as long to look noticeably thinner as to look noticeably fatter.

Then there's the disheartening fact that 20 pounds is only a quarter of the total weight I need to lose. Sure, if I can sustain this rate I'll be at my goal weight by my next anniversary, but I'm not optimistic about that: as I lose more weight, it will come off more slowly.

Well, I guess all I can do is keep doing what I'm doing. And maybe learn a little patience. :)

Belated weigh-in

Man, not being part of the current Shrinking Jeans challenge sure has made me lazy in terms of updating this thing.

In short: I lost another 3 pounds over the last week, bringing my 2011 total to 18 pounds lost. That's pretty awesome, and my husband says he can see a difference in my body - specifically that my tummy is getting smaller, which is gratifying because I was really starting to hate my tummy.

I didn't go to the gym yesterday because my period started with a vengeance. I don't like to go to the gym during my period. It's a Thing.

Gym Recap - Yesterday and Today

Yeah, I'm really behind. Let's start with the gym recap.

Yesterday: First Day to 5k intervals, week 2, day 1
Distance: 2.17 miles
Time: 30 minutes
Calories: 200

Today: weights

Format: exercise - reps x sets - weight - notes (if applicable)

• bicep curls - 12x3 - 10lbs/arm
  
• lawnmowers - 20x2 - 12.5lbs/arm
  
• tricep kickbacks - 12x3 - 10lbs/arm - really felt this one.
  
• squat machine - 12x3 - 90lbs - difficult
  
• pull-ups - 5x3 - 112lb counterweight - arms out, felt in my back muscles (in an awesome way)
  
• dips - 12x3 - 112lb counterweight - tiring
  
• hip adduction - 15x3 - 90lbs - MUCH harder than it's ever been
  
• hip abduction - 15x3 - 90lbs - MUCH harder than it's ever been
  
• plank position - 30 seconds, twice
  
• shoulder press (above the head) - 12x3 - 7.5lbs/arm
  
• front 2-dumbbell raise - 12x3 - 7.5lbs/arm
  
• lateral raise - 12x3 - 7.5lbs/arm
  
• sit-ups - 15x3 - lowest incline, but not horizontal
  
• decline dumbell flyes - 12x3 - 12.5lbs/arm

Weekly Weigh-in

Weight change this week: -2
Weight change so far in 2011: -15

Whoop whoop whoop! Those are the klaxons of celebration.

That is all. :)

True Confessions Tuesday

Bless me Sisters, for I have sinned: I ate breakfast at McDonald's this morning. Two sausage burritos off the dollar menu, and a Diet Coke. 600 calories of grease and fat to start my day.

And you know what? It was delicious.

I'm atoning for my sins by skipping my requisite Nutrisystem morning snack, and packing a smaller lunch. The reason I stopped there is because I had to get up an hour earlier this morning so I could get some stuff done at work before a certain meeting this morning. I figure having McDonald's for breakfast every once in a while (like, every few months or so), will keep the cravings at bay without totally derailing my progress. But I guess I'll find out at tomorrow's weigh-in. :)

What Color Should I Dye My Hair?

Now you get to decide. Donate to the 2011 BookCrossing Convention and pick a color, and when our fund meter gets to 80%, I'll dye my hair whatever color is in the lead at that time. At 90%, I'll add another color, and at 100%, you'll see me with three. If you don't want me to dye my hair, there's an option for that too, so vote today!

(And for those of you who don't really care what color my hair is, every donation also receives free BookCrossing wings for one month, courtesy of a most generous anonymous donor.)

Note: Yes, I know this isn't really related to weight loss, but what the hell?

Small Victories

Friday was my first truly difficult day, diet-wise. I honestly could not decide if I'd rather lose weight or eat a doughnut. I was good, but the urge to throw in the towel was unexpectedly strong.

Yesterday my husband and I went out to eat. He was craving meat - specifically burgers - so we decided to see what we could get at Red Robin, intending to order a burger and replace the fries with a salad. It turns out they have on their menu something called a "Lettuce-Wrap Your Burger." Here's the description from the site:

A juicy beef burger topped with red onions, fresh tomatoes and Cheddar cheese all nestled between cool lettuce. Served with a side salad and balsamic vinaigrette dressing.

So we ordered that. And you know what? It was delicious. It satisfied our burger craving without too much guilt and we still got plenty of vegetables with our lunch.

I don't like special ordering at restaurants. I don't mind replacing the occasional side dish but asking for "no bun" or "no mayonnaise" and then having to check when the food arrives to see if they actually did it - well, that's not just my bag. I was so pleased to see they had something already on the menu for folks who didn't want the temptation of fries and a big old bun. Sure, this was clearly geared toward folks on Atkins or South Beach, but I'll take it.

Wow.

I made the Power of One leaderboard one last time. I didn't expect to, but I guess Nutrisystem gave me that extra boost there at the end.

I wonder what the next challenge will be. It's supposed to start up next Wednesday again, and probably won't be a solo challenge this time around. I guess I'll decide if I'm going to participate when they announce it.

Checking in

First, the weigh in, after 9 days on Nutrisystem:

Weight change this week: -4
Weight change so far in 2011: -13

Glad to see all this hunger and frustration hasn't been all for naught. :) (Actually, my husband and I were just talking about how we have more energy and have been sleeping better, so I'm not complaining.)

Gym recap: First Day to 5k, week 1, day 2
Distance 2.08 mi
Duration 30:00
Pace 14.4 min/mi
Speed 4.2 mi/h
Calories 187

First Day to 5k: week 1, day 1

I ran and it didn't suck! :D

Distance 2.25 mi
Duration 30:00
Pace 13.3 min/mi
Speed 4.5 mi/h
Burned 216 kCal

Hungry McGrumplesaur Awakes

I am so starving. I could barely wait until 11am to eat lunch. I would switch my afternoon snack to morning except that I need to eat something right before going to the gym after work. So I just suffer. Hmmph.

Of course, I'm probably a special case, because I'm one of those people who can eat pretty much nonstop between breakfast and lunch, but then am almost never tempted to snack in the afternoon or evening, both of which are written into this program.

This past weekend was somewhat momentous, so I thought I'd share.

Saturday

• My husband and I went out to eat for the first time since starting Nutrisystem. We had Mexican food (Guadalajara in Charlottesville, VA), where we both ordered the chicken fajitas. They came with Spanish rice and refried beans, and of course there were chips and salsa on the table. I ate zero chips (!!) and only ate half my meal (and only one of the two tortillas). I did have all of my refried beans, because those are a special favorite of mine, but while I felt fuller than I have since starting Nutrisystem, I ate considerably less than usual and was not hungry.
  
• That evening was tough, though, because it was a party where people brought goodies. I purposely brought a veggie tray with no dip, so I had something to mindlessly munch on while chatting with people. I tried a little of most of the dishes, eating more than I should've, but far less than I normally would've. I also skipped all the crackers and chips (a special victory because Doritos and Tostitos are my favorites!).
  
• Near the end of the evening I was going to try a death bar (this amazing-looking/smelling dessert bar that appeared to be made from chocolate chip cookies, peanuts, and joy). My husband said I shouldn't, and I resentfully threw it in the trash. I was not happy, but at least I didn't succumb out of spite. :)

Sunday

• I had to spend most of the day out on the town. I packed one of my ready-to-eat Nutrisystem lunches (a chocolate peanut butter bar) and figured since one of my errands was right near a Whole Foods, I'd try out their salad bar. Despite being sorely tempted by loads of delicious-looking dishes, I stuck to the veggies and a light balsamic dressing. And I was full enough after that I didn't bust out the bar until about an hour later (though I was definitely hungry by that point).
  
• Later that afternoon, after tromping around DC for 3 nonstop hours, we stopped at a Starbucks to hit the bathroom. They had the most amazing-looking apple fritters, and I was hungry. But I didn't have one.

Today

• I was exhausted when I woke up this morning and was tempted to run through the McDonald's drive-thru just to get a large soda, but knew I'd be too tempted by my beloved sausage burritos, so I skipped it.
  
• In the office kitchen were all kinds of goodies: cucumber sandwiches, chocolate cake, scones, chocolate-pumpkin Bundt cake, and chocolate covered strawberries. I sat and stared at them on multiple occasions but managed not to actually put anything into my mouth.

Tonight I start the First Day to 5k program (again). Here's hoping my knees cooperate.

More Food Babble

Yesterday was difficult on the diet front. I woke up absolutely ravenous, and breakfast barely quieted my stomach. Work was the same as ever, but about two hours after dinner I was so freaking starving that I picked my dessert based entirely on its size (yay pound cake) and then practically inhaled it.

Today has gone much better.

I don't know how much weight one needs to lose before clothing starts to fit differently. I do know I shouldn't expect to lose more rapidly than a pound or two a week, meaning I'll hit my goal weight anywhere between this coming October and May of next year.

Talking to my sister helps, since she shares my genes and went through this process several years ago. I suspect she didn't lose nearly as much weight as I need to (I have roughly 70 pounds to go) but she understands the struggle.

So far the main lesson I am learning from Nutrisystem is to make the vegetable the largest part of the meal. For most meals we start with a biggish salad (with no cheese - a major change for me) and treat the Nutrisystem entree more or less as a side dish. It's a good thing we like salad, but I'd die if I hadn't found a dressing I like (Newman's Own light raspberry walnut vinaigrette).

The categorization of foods surprised me: carrots count as vegetables, while peas and garbanzo beans are carbs.

I've been crap when it comes to exercising this week. Mainly I worry that increasing the number of calories I burn each day will make it just that much harder to adjust to this dramatic decrease in calories consumed. (Okay, that's a lie: mainly I only want to deal with one thing at a time, and this diet is a hell of a one thing.) I do, however, plan to start running again on Monday.

Upcoming challenges:

• Doughnut Day. Every Friday morning my office provides free doughnuts, bagels, and muffins. I am weak in the face of pastry. However, I have a plan: one of my breakfasts on the plan is a chocolate muffin, so I'll bring that to work and eat it when everybody else is eating their Friday morning goodies. Luckily, the baked goods are one floor down, so I won't even see them unless I make a special trip.
  
• Saturday: going out to lunch with a friend. This will be our first meal out since starting the program. Not sure how I'll handle this one yet; it'll really depend on where we go. Luckily, the friend we're seeing is a Weight Watchers alumnus, so I have high hopes that he won't derail us by insisting we go out for pizza. :)

Weekly Weigh-in

Weight change this week: -1
Weight change so far in 2011: -9

This actually might be just a touch high, as I forgot to weigh myself before dinner like I usually do.

Evidently there's only one more weigh-in for this "Power of One" project. Huh. I doubt I'll keep up the Wednesday Weigh-in schedule, but I'll pop in now and again.

Today is day 3 of Nutrisystem and I think my body will have completely adjusted by the end of the week. My stomach feels vaguely unhappy most of the time, which may be hunger or might just be a reaction to my drastically increased fiber intake, but it gets better each day. And I've found it's pretty easy to not cheat because I know exactly what and when I'm eating next. Sure, I've been more or less measuring my day by how far away my next meal is, but I think that will go away once I get completely used to the reduced portions.

Further Adventures with Nutrisystem

Shortly after lunch yesterday I started having tummy unhappiness, which later evolved into severe abdominal pain and nausea. The mere idea of food did not appeal to me in the slightest, so I only ate my Nutrisystem entree for dinner, and later my dessert, skipping the extra stuff (veggies, fruits, and fats). It felt like someone had set fire to my stomach lining, but I am disinclined to blame this on the Nutrisystem food. I don't have what you might call a sensitive digestive system. Considering I've felt like I'm fighting off something for the last couple weeks, I think this stomach bug is just coincidence. After all, the stomachache came with a headache, and last night I slept for nearly 11 hours - and could have slept longer had my alarm not gone off.

The nausea and headache linger on today, but at least the stomach pain is gone for the time being. Breakfast (Nutrisystem breakfast burrito, blueberries, and light vanilla soymilk) does not seem to have affected my condition, so I am feeling optimistic.

Nutrisystem, Day 1

Today is my first day on Nutrisystem. (No, I'm not going to post every day, but this is kind of a momentous occasion, you know?) I had cereal with banana slices on top for breakfast (and discovered I actually shorted myself half a serving of protein, but that's okay), then for lunch I had a chicken quesadilla, yogurt, and more vegetables than I'd expected. I'm supposed to have two servings of veggies, but I didn't realize a serving of grape tomatoes was a full cup! Likewise with the green pepper. Dinner calls for two veggies and a fruit, and though I had enough peppers and tomatoes to make a single serving between them, I'll have to stop by the grocery store after work to pick up something else.

While my stomach is rather unhappy at the moment (probably because of the abnormally large amount of fresh vegetables I had with lunch), I haven't felt unusually hungry. I'm trying to figure out how to work my afternoon snack, since I'm really not hungry right now and I'll probably be eating dinner in the office around 5:00 since I want to be in Alexandria (about 30 miles from here, fighting DC afternoon rush) well before 7:00.

All in all, I think this is a totally doable meal plan, as I don't feel like I'm really denying myself anything. By the way, I'd also like to mention that we had a Valentine's Day party at work, with tons of delicious-looking homemade cupcakes and cookies and stuff, and I didn't eat any. Go me! :D

Pre-Nutrisystem Thoughts

So last night we ordered our first month of Nutrisystem. It was my husband's idea, actually: between his recent 37th birthday and friends losing weight and both of us struggling for so many years, he realized that we clearly can't do it on our own. We've tried a lot of approaches, from South Beach to food diaries to just making healthy changes to our meals. And still we stay fat, because while we know in our heads what portions we're supposed to be eating, it's hard to translate that to the plate, both realistically (understanding exactly what an ounce looks like) and personally (that is, having the willpower to limit our own portions). The idea behind Nutrisystem is that they do the calorie-counting and portion-control for you. Our plan is to do this for a few months (or however long it takes), get our weights down, and most importantly, pay attention to what and how much we're eating.

When we go off the plan, which we inevitably will (though who knows how long it'll be), we'll have a better visual understanding of portions and our stomachs will have shrunk so it takes less food to fill us up. Let's face it: it's really difficult to stop eating before you're full (or the plate is clean, whichever comes first). Since we'll be full faster (and presumably happy enough with our bodies that we're more careful about what we eat - it's easy to binge when you're already fat anyway), we should naturally eat less. It's all about creating habits.

The biggest change for my husband will be not eating the same thing every day (he has OCD, so routine is very important to him), while for me it will be not going out to eat for a while. Yes, the program comes with a dining guide, but it'll be easier to just stay in. I also anticipate being sad on Fridays for a while, when my office provides free doughnuts and bagels.

Despite all this, I am confident. The food is provided, so I don't have to just rely on my own (very limited) willpower. Maybe I won't drop 30 pounds in the first two months like my husband's friend, but I hope to see some sort of improvement. I'll still go to the gym, of course - that's my precious me-time - but diet is like 80% of the equation.

Our first shipment is supposed to arrive in about three days. I think I'll go eat one last Mexican Pizza from Taco Bell.

Wednesday Weigh-in

My weight did not change; I neither lost nor gained.

For which I am grateful, actually, because I haven't been feeling well, or eating well, or exercising much.

In other news, it looks like my husband and I are going to give Nutrisystem a try. Stay tuned.

Gym Recap 2/4/11

Format: exercise - reps x sets - weight - notes (if applicable)

• pull-ups - 7x3 - 112lb counterweight - arms out, more reps than ever!
  
• dips - 10x3 - 112lb counterweight
  
• abdominal crunch machine - 50x2 - 35lbs
  
• reverse crunch machine - 50x2 - 35lbs
  
• hip adduction - 15x3 - 90lbs
  
• hip abduction - 15x3 - 90lbs
  
• chest press machine - 12x3 - 40lbs
  
• bicep curls - 15x3 - 10lbs - per arm, free weights
  
• lawn mowers - 12x3 - 15lbs - per arm, free weights
  
• tricep kickbacks - 12x3 - 10lbs - per arm, free weights
  
• squat machine - 12x3 - 90lbs - really felt it in my behind
  
• plank position - held for roughly 30 seconds twice (didn't have a watch on me, so it was probably less)

Hump Day Happies

Weight change this week: -1
Weight change so far in 2011: -8

I attended the goodbye luncheon for my former supervisor today. It was at T.G.I. Friday's. I thought long and hard about what to eat, and ended up with a half sandwich/half wedge salad, with water to drink. It was really tasty, and at the end of it I felt like I could have eaten more, but didn't need to. So that felt good. You can't imagine how hard it is for me to resist french fries!

I wasn't really in the mood to go to the gym tonight. I didn't feel like lifting weights and most of the cardio was off-limits while I recover from yesterday's fall on the ice. So I went up to the indoor track, loaded up one of the Podrunner mixes, and told myself that I didn't have to do anything in particular, but I wasn't allowed to leave that track for the entirety of the hour-long mix.

And you know what? I mostly walked, but I ran quite a bit too. I took it easy, careful to put most of the impact on my toes, not worrying about speed. And I kept moving for that entire hour.

And most importantly, my knee didn't hurt at all. Score! :D

Getting back up to speed

Last December I started the First Day to 5k program through Podrunner Intervals. I'd completed it once before, in 2007, but due to weather and asthma I didn't keep up with it after that. This past time I got halfway through week 3 and decided that since my knee pain had me about in tears by the end of the run, it was time to quit. Considering I'd been running on an indoor track (and was on concrete sidewalks in 2007), this sudden problem was unexpected, to say the least.

I have several theories as to what happened. The first may be that my form was off during the first week, causing minor injury that never healed properly, worsening every time I ran. The second is that I've exceeded the weight limit for my joints, and I need to just lose weight before I can run again.

I've always wanted to be a runner, not just for the fitness benefits but because I like the freedom of it. You can do it just about anywhere, no special equipment required. The best part of the Podrunner Intervals podcasts is that you don't have to constantly check your watch or your distance: the speed of the music changes when you need to change your pace, with a little chime in between so you know it's coming. And you know, a lot of the time running really sucks, but when it doesn't, it's awesome. And either way, at the end of each run I feel like I really accomplished something.

So I've decided to try again. I have an appointment to pick up new custom orthotics this coming Tuesday. After giving myself a couple weeks to fully break them in, I will begin the First Day to 5k program again, on February 21.

I told my coworker this, who then wrote it on his calendar. I'm not sure how I feel about such accountability, but I guess I'm in it for real now. Here's hoping my knee doesn't fail me again. I'll take it super slow, which isn't saying much considering I was never what you might call fast, but one thing I've learned about going to the gym: nobody's looking at you.

Victories 2/1/11

When I left my house this morning, I immediately slipped on the completely invisible ice and landed hard on my tailbone. It hurt. Kind of a lot. But though I was tempted to treat myself to something yummy to help me feel better, I resisted, and went straight to work.

However, because of my injury, I decided to take the day off from the gym. I'll go tomorrow - but I'll have to be gentle.

Victories and Gym Recap 1/31/11

I really need to get back on the bandwagon with this. It makes me feel good and it really helps keep me on track.

• Last night I dreamed it was Friday, and it was so convincing that when I woke up I almost skipped breakfast because it was doughnut day (my office provides free doughnuts and bagels every Friday). When I realized it was Monday, I was so disheartened, and considered just going to McDonald's. But I stayed home and made my own breakfast instead.
  
• Thought about McDonald's again on the way to work and very nearly stopped, but managed not to.
  
• Felt starving around 9:30am (I have "bottomless pit" days every now and again, where I feel hungry pretty much all day long). Once again considered McDonald's (dude, I really love their sausage burritos), but once again managed to resist. It helped that my coworker gave me one of her diet shakes, which means I consumed only 230 calories instead of two or three times that.
  
• Felt hungry all freaking day. Ate oatmeal before going to the gym, then ate a normal-sized dinner. Still hungry, but it's almost bedtime so I'm resisting.
  
• SO many things to get done tonight, but I refused to use that as an excuse to skip the gym. Yay!

But, because I am so swamped, I went "easy" on the gym today: 30 minutes on the recumbent stationary bike, 10.8 miles, level 7. I don't remember the "calories burned" count, but it was something like 182.

Weekly Weigh-in (a little late)

Weight change this week: -2
Weight change so far in 2011: -7

I really didn't expect to lose any weight this week, but I guess being sick burns calories too, since your body has to work to fight off the infection. Whatever; I'll take what I can get. :)

This week's challenge involved more micromanaging than I am comfortable with.

• First, plan your menu for the week, breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. On paper.
  
• THEN go food shopping.
  
• THEN, write your workouts into your schedule or onto your calendar or into your Outlook, share these “appointments” with your family or whomever you need to know what your plans are.
  
• FINALLY, make sure that this planned-out week is written into the same calendar as all of your other goal milestone dates and the big goal! And if those aren’t in there, go put them in there! You CEO, YOU! I got a new planner just for the occasion from a store that rhymes with Schmall Schmart and it is pink and it is lovely. Best of all, it was $7. It is my partner in crime and my right hand man and it WILL get me to all my goals this year. That little pink planner.

See, now, I've tried this before. Many times. This sort of "treat it like a work appointment" trick is used for everything from painting to blogging, and it simply does not work for me. As soon as I start seeing something as a chore or obligation, I start actively avoiding it. This is true even for things I enjoy doing. For example: I view sitting down with a good book to be a real treat, but if I schedule the time from 7:30 to 8:00 tonight specifically for reading, I won't do it. I'm not entirely sure why this is, though I suspect it has to do with feeling like once it's scheduled, it's no longer a choice. And I like having choices.

Don't get me wrong: I love planners as much as (and probably more than) the next person, but scheduling every moment of every day backfires every time. I need freedom and spontaneity. Yes, I technically plan to hit the gym after work each day (though not this week while I continue to recover from illness), but I don't hold myself to a set routine, or make sure I stay there for a certain amount of time. That's just not my style. Instead, I make sure I hit all the major muscle groups and include some cardio. Telling myself I must show up for thirty minutes a day and do this-this-and-this guarantees I won't. Some days I want to use the weight machines; other days I prefer free weights. Sometimes I just want to read on the stationary bike, but then occasionally I want to use the stairclimber.

This, of course, is all completely aside from the fact that I am not the only person eating in my house. My husband does the grocery shopping and cooks dinner every night. But anyway, I know this sounds like I am wimping out on this challenge, but I know myself too well for this. I hope I can participate next week, though.

Back from the Dead

Okay, so I've been slacking a bit on this whole blogging (and weight-losing) thing. You'll notice I haven't posted any victories lately. That's because there haven't really been any to speak of. I've been tired and eating like crap because of it, and then this past weekend I caught The Crud that's been going around, and was more or less bedridden for three days straight.

I'm still a little sniffly, but I seem to be on the mend, so it's time to get back into the swing of things. Unfortunately, this does not include the gym this week, since I've been sleeping so poorly and do not want to risk running myself down again so soon, but there are other things I can do. Like pay attention to what I'm eating.

In related news, my sister gave me a gift subscription to Self Magazine. I told her I'd actually read it and not just draw the models. ;) Seriously, though, I'm hoping it's good motivation. If nothing else, I can use the workout tips for some variety at the gym.

Tonight is the weekly weigh-in, and I'll be shocked if I haven't gained more weight back. See, this is what happens: I'm all excited for a week or two, then I go back to my old habits. It's discouraging. How do I regain my momentum?

Wednesday Weakness

Weight change this week: +1
Weight change so far in 2011: -5

I fully expected to gain weight this week, and in fact I'm a little surprised I didn't gain more. I ate junk all weekend and didn't hold back at all. I skipped the gym on Friday because I had too much to get done (and indeed didn't get home until after midnight), Saturday and Sunday because I had people over all day to work on convention stuff (though I certainly got a workout lugging boxes of books all over the place), Monday because I was just insanely tired, and yesterday because we had an ice storm.

I went today, however, and tried out the BODYPUMP class. I'm not really one for group classes, but since they're included with my membership fee I figured I should at least try them out. The instructor was really nice, taking a few minutes before class to show me what kind of gear I needed and what sorts of moves we'd be doing.

And you know, it was really hard. But it was a good kind of hard, and the hour went by quickly. The instructor remembered my name and encouraged me to come back next week. I just might.

Victories 1/13/11

• My coworker brought in homemade cupcakes and offered them to the group. Later he offered them to me specifically. I declined both times.
  
• The 2-liter was Coke was still in the office kitchen, tempting me, at the same level as when I first saw it. I dumped it out and took the cap for the Coke Rewards code.
  
• I was on my own for dinner, and I could have easily gone out and gotten fast food. But no, I had leftovers from last night.

Power of One, week 2: more goals

This week's project is once again all about goals:

We’ve asked you during the beginning of the challenge to sort of outline your goals for the challenge, but here, we want you to really sit down and outline your goals in life, for the short-term and long-term and make a sort of blue print for how you want this year to go and beyond.

I'm bad with goals. I mean, there are plenty of things I'd like to do (or, more often, to have done), but picking ones to pursue is always the stickler. I want to fill up this one particular sketchbook, for example, but I also want to finish reading this book and publish that comic book and try out this new hobby and run that race. Picking a day and declaring it to be, say, Sketchbook Day has no effect on my actions. After spending the day at work doing the things I'm supposed to do, when I get home I just want to follow my whims, not assign more tasks on myself. When I give myself hard deadlines, I inevitably fail and use that as another excuse to feel sorry for myself. In fact, 2011 was the first year in several that I did not make a general list of resolutions, mostly because I looked at my 2010 list in late November and found I didn't care if I met them or not. So why make goals if I'm only going to end up either apathetic or depressed?

I know I'm being all wishy-washy about this (my husband calls me Wembley), but I've spent years honing my ability to not get my hopes up about anything, including myself. It's a useful skill for avoiding disappointment. I try to live in the moment. But I guess I'll give this whole goal thing a shot.

1. Get my to-be-read pile down to a manageable number. Like, under 50. Ideally, I'd like to get it down to under ten so I feel a bit more free about adding to it, but - baby steps. All I can do for this is to read, read, read - and learn to say no more often when people offer me books.
   
2. Finish and publish the S&R Comic. It's dumb that this isn't done, since it's all written and storyboarded. I just need to sit down and finish drawing it. The biggest part of this is thinking about it more often, so when I find myself with the time and inclination to draw, the comic is at the forefront of my mind. Often I just kinda forget it exists, y'know?
   
3. Get my weight down to something a little more reasonable, such that my doctor doesn't shake her head when I go in for my annual physical. Right now I'm doing fairly well with keeping track of my food victories (far more effective than having to report everything I eat) and going to the gym. I think blogging about it is really helping. I thought a personal journal would be good, but (1) I type faster than I write, and (2) I can do this from anywhere, not just at home. Also, since it's public, it keeps me a little more honest. Sure, I don't know of anyone who's actually reading it, but there may come a day.
   
4. Finish snarfing the rest of my home county. I have almost a hundred markers to go (out of almost 450), most of which are closer to DC where it really sucks to drive. I just need to make some more snarf maps and actually use them rather than wandering out in the opposite direction (where it's quieter and has better scenery).

Anyway, I guess that's all for now. I don't have a calendar with a schedule all mapped out: like I said before, I don't do so well with that kind of structure. If it starts feeling too much like work, I start resisting. And the point of this is to accomplish things I want to accomplish, right? So we'll start with this. It's certainly far more detailed than I've ever done before. Will it all end in cheers or tears? Only time will tell.

Speaking of disappointment, I'm also trying not to take it too personally that @shrinkingjeans stopped following me on Twitter. I'd been enjoying the support in the form of @replies. Oh well; I guess I was too chatty.

All-in-One 1/12/11

Got lots to report, so I figured I might as well put it all in one mega-post.

First: the weekly weigh-in. I've been dreading this.

Weight change this week: -1
Weight change so far in 2011: -6

Second: victories!

• There were two mostly-finished 2-liters of soda in the office kitchen up for grabs: one Diet Coke, one regular Coke. I really like regular Coke (and finishing it off would have meant I could keep the Coke Rewards points), but I only took the Diet Coke.
  
• I wanted a midmorning snack, preferably something in the pastry food group. I had coffee.
  
• I wanted a snack pretty much immediately after lunch, but instead waited until right before I left for the gym, when I had a packet of oatmeal to sustain me through my workout.

Third: gym recap.

Format: exercise - reps x sets - weight - notes (if applicable)

• pull-ups - 5x3 - 112lb counterweight - arms out - Oddly easy again. I dunno.
  
• dips - 12x3 - 112lb counterweight
  
• abdominal crunch machine - 50x2 - 35 lbs
  
• lower back machine - 50x2 - 35 lbs - this is basically a reverse crunch
  
• hip adduction - 15x3 - 90 lbs
  
• hip abduction - 15x3 - 90 lbs
  
• lat pull-downs - 12x3 - 62.5 lbs
  
• lawnmower pulls with free weights - 12x3/arm - 15lbs/arm - no idea what this is really called.
  
• calf machine - 12x3 - 100 lbs
  
• squat machine - 12x3 - 90lbs

The real challenge will be this weekend. My husband won't be around to cook nutritious meals for me, and I'm kind of helpless on my own. Will I be able to resist the siren song of fast food? Only time will tell.

Victories 1/11/11

• Really wanted McDonald's breakfast this morning. Ate breakfast at home.
  
• There was nummy home-made chocolate chip banana cake in the kitchen this morning. I held out until 10am, by which point I was genuinely hungry, and then cut the thinnest sliver I could manage. (And, I admit, partially justified it by noting that I skipped my usual banana with breakfast this morning.) (Because we were out of bananas, not because I was being virtuous.)
  
• When I got home, I was ravenous, but instead of gorging on chips (like I kind of wanted to), I had a handful of peanuts and raisins.
  
• After dinner I felt hungry again within 20 minutes. But I didn't snack. This is a Pretty Big Deal for me because I honestly felt it in my stomach, not just in my head, but I don't need calories right before bedtime.

Man, this is working so much better for me than a food diary. I'd rather boast about my victories than feel like a criminal for every morsel. Positive reinforcement FTW! :D

Tomorrow's the weekly weigh-in. Deep breaths.

Victories and Gym Recap 1/10/11

We'll start with the victories, especially since the weekend was full of fail:

• My coworker scattered Hershey's Kisses all over the conference table, urging people to take them. I didn't.
  
• I did not participate in Moe's Mondays, though I was invited.
  
• Instead of getting a huge bag of trail mix (or worse) from the vending machine at the gym, I thought ahead (for once) and ate a single packet of instant oatmeal right before leaving work so I wasn't shaky with hunger during my workout.
  
• Worked out extra hard, then skipped the free sample on the way out. (My gym is affiliated with some sort of Nutrisystem-style diet-to-go program, and they often have free samples available.)

And then the gym recap:

Format: exercise - reps x sets - weight - notes (if applicable)

• pull-ups - 5x3 - 112lb counterweight - arms out, surprisingly easy
  
• dips - 12x3 - 112lb counterweight
  
• abdominal crunch machine - 50x2 - 35 lbs
  
• hip adduction - 15x3 - 90 lbs
  
• hip abduction - 15x3 - 90 lbs
  
• lat pull-downs - 12x3 - 62.5 lbs
  
• lawnmower pulls with free weights - 12x3/arm - 15lbs/arm - no idea what this is really called.
  
• bicep curls with free weights - 12x3/arm - 12.5lbs/arm - the first set was with 15lbs but omg that was too heavy
  
• tricep extensions with free weights - 12x3 - 15 lbs
  
• stationary bike - 30 min - level 7 hills - 10.8 miles

The bike was harder than I remembered, but I powered on through. I thought I had more to say about that, but, uh, I guess not.

Victories 1/6/11

• There was a bag of Fritos up for grabs in the office kitchen when I got here this morning. I love Fritos. I did not take it.
  
• There was candy there later in the day, and I didn't take any. This is a more minor victory, as the candy was in the form of taffy and candy canes, neither of which I'm incredibly fond of, but in the past I have often grabbed whatever was in the kitchen just to try it. And this time I didn't.
  
• I'm #8 on the Week One Leaderboard. Craziness, man! I guess this means I'm only 97.7% of the woman I used to be. And I'm okay with that. :)

The percentage ratio is an odd measure. I mean, I'd think it would skew in favor thinner people, since 5 pounds is a greater percentage of 130 pounds than 230 pounds, but maybe not since (a) thinner people tend to have less weight to lose, and (b) they lose it more slowly. Hypothetically, that is. I've never been in the "last ten pounds to lose" camp, so I don't know if rate of weight loss is at all affected by how much you weigh to begin with. But it sounds reasonable. :)

Power of One, week 1: letter from your future self

I'm not sure how accurate this graphic is, since the Monday Project turned into The Monthly Project, but now they say it's going back to weekly in 2011. But that's not important right now. This week/month's project is to write a letter to yourself, imagining you are writing from this time next year. Work from the assumption that you've reached all your goals, and write like it actually happened.

Here goes nothing.

Hello from 2012, me.

Well, you finally did it. You finally went down a clothing size for the first time in your life, and it looks like we're going to hang out here for a while, or maybe even shrink some more. I'm so glad you finally sucked it up and started trying out the classes at the gym. It feels so great to have found one I really enjoy, and it mixes up the old exercise routine. It keeps things interesting, and you've even made a couple of gym-friends. The best part is that you're running again - you already finished the Podrunner Intervals "First Day to 5k" program and are well into the "Gateway to 8k" program. And your knee is fine. Rock on, Hermes! Maybe by this time next year you'll have participated in your very first race!

You never did kick that soda habit, but I still maintain that a zero-calorie caffeinated drink is still better than eating junk when I'm sleepy. On the other hand, you did kick the McDonald's breakfast habit. Sure, I still like to grab the occasional sausage burrito, but it's not nearly as often, nor in as much quantity, as in 2010. I still can't believe you managed to get into the groove of weekly weigh-ins; it's such a good motivator. Blogging your food victories was another great idea you stuck with.

In non-fitness-related news, you'll be pleased to hear that you did finally finish and publish the S&R comic, and Bill performed that solo show he was working on. The song he wrote for you is lovely. Things picked up at work and you're finally gaining a little more confidence in yourself. And the convention went perfectly, so don't fret about that.

You'll enjoy 2011, I promise. I sure did.

much love,
your future self

Weekly Weigh-in and Gym Recap 1/5/11

I lost 5 pounds over the last week. I dunno how meaningful that is, but I have been far more mindful of what I've been eating.

And now for the gym recap.

Format: exercise - reps x sets - weight - notes (if applicable)

* abdominal crunch machine - 50x2 - 35lbs
* hip abduction - 12x3 - 90lbs
* hip adduction - 12x3 - 90lbs
* chin-ups - 5x3 - 112lb counterweight - all elbows out
* dips - 12x3 - 112lb counterweight
* lat pull-downs - 12x3 - 62.5lbs

I've been very tired all week, and I suspect it's because my body is fighting off my husband's cold. He's been sick for two weeks and I've had nary a sniffle, but I need to be careful that I don't get run-down. That's why I took it easy again at the gym. I'm hoping to get back into the swing of things starting Monday.

Number Crunching

Logged into LiveStrong for the first time in months to see how many calories I'd consumed so far today. It's not looking good. Breakfast alone is 600 calories, though I'm not as concerned about front-loading since (a) I have more conscious hours to burn it off and (b) if I don't have a big breakfast I spend my morning hours miserably hungry. And considering I load up with protein first thing and then have some appetite-suppressing (and awake-making) caffeine, I'm usually more or less okay until lunch. (Usually, I say, because I honestly could eat nonstop between my alarm going off and lunchtime, and it is pure willpower that keeps me from doing so. And then there are some days when I am just a bottomless pit for no apparent reason.)

Today I was surprised to find myself famished at 10am, so I had a single packet of plain oatmeal sweetened with two packets of honey. That's nearly 200 calories alone. Which I guess isn't the most horrible of snacks, but I guess I just didn't expect it to be quite that much. And I refuse to use artificial sweeteners in my oatmeal. Not only would it taste grody, I ingest more than my fair share of chemicals with my soda addiction, thank you very much.

(I was pleased to discover that my coffee, which is actually just a vaguely coffee-flavored confection, is only 70 calories.)

My standard lunch is just under 400 calories, leaving me well over 700 calories (of 2000) for dinner, provided I don't snack this afternoon, which I usually don't (but might since I'm going to the gym after work). So I guess it's not all bad.

See, this is the reason I don't do food diaries. I don't like obsessing over every little thing I put in my mouth. I know that's part of the reason I'm fat, but counting calories doesn't make me feel powerful or in control or anything like that. It makes me feel annoyed. Eventually I get so frustrated with the tedium that I ignore the diary completely and eat whatever I want - or even more than I want. And that's no good.

I know I've been posting to this blog a lot over the last couple days, but that's what it's for: this is a place for me to obsess over diet and exercise without clogging up my regular blog. Nobody has to read it.

Victories 1/4/11

• I put less on my plate than usual and did not go back for seconds, though I was sorely tempted.
  
• In the office kitchen were blueberry Bundt cake, baklava, morning glory cake, and half-sized chocolate chip cookies. They all smelled absolutely delicious. I had a single cookie.
  
• More cookies were put out a few hours later. They were home-made and large and very tasty-looking. I did not eat any.

Victories 1/3/11

I've decided not to post my failures unless they're truly epic. (Or funny.) But I'll try to post my small food victories from time to time.

* I did not eat any of the (super delicious) chocolate chip banana cake in the office kitchen this morning.
* We got two summer sausages for Christmas and I took them to work, and then only ate one small slice of each. And nothing more.

Gym Recap 1/3/11

Format: exercise - reps x sets - weight - notes (if applicable)

* abdominal crunch machine - 50x2 - 40lbs - this was pretty rough
* hip abduction - 12x3 - 90lbs
* hip adduction - 12x3 - 90lbs
* chin-ups - 5x3 - 112lb counterweight - 2 sets elbows out, 1 set elbows in
* dips - 12x3 - 112lb counterweight
* lat pull-downs - 12x3 - 62.5lbs
* squats - 12x3 - 90lbs
* incline press - 12x3 - 35lbs - very difficult, probably because my arms were tired

I went easy on my legs since they're still smarting from the hike on the 31st.

Last Hike of 2010

A friend and I spent New Year's Eve hiking along the Appalachian Trail. We started at Crampton Gap in Gathland State Park near Burkittsville, Maryland, and hiked to Harpers Ferry - a distance of about 10.2 miles. Map My Run tells me that over the course of the 6ish hours we hiked, we burned some 3120 calories. Not bad, not bad at all.


We actually hiked this backwards, from Crampton Gap to Harpers Ferry, but it's the same route.

Of course, we were a little stupid: we forgot to pack food. We grabbed breakfast on the way and had plenty of water, but by the time we arrived in Harpers Ferry we were ravenous. We also probably should have parked at Weverton rather than continuing along the long, flat, kind of boring stretch of road along the C&O Canal into Harpers Ferry. My legs were more than a little annoyed with me by the end of it.

But I'm glad we went. I got to see a trail shelter for the first time, I felt really accomplished at hiking so far, and the view from the top was just lovely.

The Futility of Exercise

Originally posted on The Hood on December 30, 2010 at 9:10am.

So I've joined this community, and subscribed to the blog.  The most recent post, Fitness: - Are You *Faking* It?, really struck a chord with me.  In particular, this sentence:

I joined a gym, hired a personal trainer and committed myself to exercising as much as possible.  I became a gym rat, practically going every day.

That was me in 2010.  I joined a gym last December, got a personal trainer, and was going to the gym 4-5 days a week most of the year.  Gym time is me-time, and I treasure it.  I breathe hard, sweat mightily, then treat myself to long showers afterward.

But.  This next sentence:

Over the next few months, the weight fell off, my body changed in positive ways, and I definitely liked what I saw in the mirror.

Doesn't apply to me in the slightest.  I gained about twenty pounds over the course of the year, and my clothes became tighter too.  My personal trainer was baffled, but I wasn't.  Exercise alone has never caused me to lose weight.  The extra energy spent leads me to consume more calories, whether I realize it or not.  I think I'm eating the same amount as before, but clearly I am not.  It's discouraging, but I've come to terms with it.  The simple truth is that if I want to lose weight, I have to focus more on my diet than my activity level.  I'm actually fairly fit, as these things go: I have pretty good endurance and I'm stronger than most women I know.  But I'm still fat.

One good thing about recognizing this in myself is that it changes my attitude toward exercise.  Instead of using the scale to measure my progress at the gym, I look at the amount of weight I'm lifting or the level I set on the stair-climber.  I like feeling strong, even if I don't feel thin.  The next step is to work out my issues with foods, but that's another post for another time.

And so it begins...

Originally posted on The Hood on December 29, 2010 at 5:30pm.

I've been overweight my entire life.  Never truly obese, but always well above the recommended weight for my height.  I've been going to a gym regularly for over a year now, and while I've seen some improvement on the strength-training side of things, I've actually gained weight.   And not just muscle weight, either - my waistline has unquestionably increased.

I know what my problem is: emotional eating.  I eat when I'm upset or bored or frustrated or sad.  I eat even more when I'm feeling down about my weight.  I'm on medication for depression and anxiety, which helps, but I need more discipline - especially at the office.

I've never taken part in a group weight-loss challenge before, but I've just signed up for the Power of One challenge. I hope it helps me with inspiration and motivation. Heaven knows I'm not doing any good at doing it on my own.

Today's challenge is to state my healthy living goals.  Here are some off the top of my head:

1. Be able to do 3 sets of 10 pull-ups on the machine with the full counterweight (114 lbs).
   
   • Right now I can do 3 sets of 5 with the full counterweight.
     
   • Bonus goal: be able to do it with less counterweight.
   
   
2. Get my weight under 200 lbs.
   
   • Bonus goal: get my weight below 180.
   
   
3. Fit into my suit.
   
   • Bonus goal: go down a pant size.
   
   
4. Complete First Day to 5k on Podrunner Intervals.
   
   • I did this once before, back in fall of 2007, on the concrete sidewalks of my neighborhood.  When I tried it again at the beginning of December 2010 on the indoor track at the gym, my knee completely failed me.  Oh, the pain.  I think it's because I'm too fat for my joints.
     
   • Bonus goal: complete Gateway to 8k.

So.  Here goes nothing.  I had my husband take my "before" photo and my measurements, but I'm afraid I don't feel comfortable sharing them here.  I have, however, started a new journal just for diet and fitness.  The front is covered with "totally awesome!!!" in assorted fonts, which seems appropriate.  I love to journal, so maybe this will help with my motivation.

Another blog? Really?

Yes, another blog. I've come to the realization that maybe I need more accountability, and I wanted somewhere to post about my weight issues that wasn't my LiveJournal account and wasn't my main blog. I don't know what all will end up here yet. I do know that I like lists, so here are a few:

Weight-loss techniques that have not worked:

• Keeping a food diary. (Tried this multiple times, but it was just so tedious I couldn't keep up with it.)
  
• Exercise. (More on this later.)
  
• The South Beach Diet. (Actually, I lost 15 pounds for a few months, but I was so miserable that binges were inevitable.)

Sad truths:

• I have never gone down a clothing size in my entire life. I have either held steady or increased. (Though mostly held steady, luckily.)
  
• It's difficult to figure out my ideal weight, but after looking at several I can estimate that I am roughly 80 pounds overweight.
  
• I am weak in the face of yummy foods. Doughnuts are a particular favorite.

One thing about this blog is that I don't plan on either censoring myself or monitoring my post frequency. Sometimes I'll post three or four updates within a few hours; other days I'll post nothing. That's just how it goes.

I don't really plan on publicizing this too much, but if you happen to be reading, please let me know.